I'm stealing this blog title from
this blogerwho i stalk on a regular basis. If you don't read her, you should. She talks about motherhood, marriage, photography, kids, yummy recipes, and just LIFE. i love it. Every once in a while she does a blog called "stream of consciousness...", where she writes down all she is thinking- there's no order, no objective, just what's on her mind at that moment. So i thought I'd give it a try.
Right now I have a sleeping toddler tucked away in (hopefully) pleasant dreams, and sitting in front of a fire with a cuddly dog at my feet, and I'm so relaxed. We are LOVING our new house. It's everything we ever wanted, tho I wish we had 2 full baths, but other than that, it's awesome. We have room to live. Harmony has room to run. Kemper has new places to hide from the torment Harmony brings upon him. Mike is loving the fireplace, and I'm loving the fact that I don't have to take Kemper out anymore-all i have to do is put him in our completely fenced in backyard. yessss. I'm looking forward to painting our family room and dining room- we're going bold and bohemian. it's going to be awesome. I'll be sure to post before and after pics.
I'm having better days with Harmony this week. Last week I was singing a much different, much darker tune. It was a rough week. I vented quite a bit to my family, and probably said things I didn't mean, but I couldn't help it. I felt totally defeated and like a complete failure. No part of my parenting "skills" were working, and I just gave up. My poor husband saw some ugly moments in my attitude, and poor Harmony had no idea how to handle me. There were actually times she looked scared of me. Ugh. It's a week I hope to forget very soon. no one warned me on the difficulty of raising a two year old. It's tough. really really tough. I actually have a really hard time talking to people about my shortcomings as a mom because I feel judgment. I feel like people leave my conversations thinking or even saying out loud to me "i'm so glad my child isn't like Harmony,", or "my daughter/son will never do that", or my personal favorite "maybe you'll get it right with your next baby". Really people? And I'm sorry if you are reading this, and you are actually one who has said this to me. i don't mean to offend, really I don't, but it's so hard to hear. Yes, I have made some mistakes as a mom, I will own that, but I didn't teach Harmony to be strong-willed. That's how she was born. It's who she is. Just ask Mike's mom. Harmony is Mike Jr. to the hilt. She inherited her father's disposition, and I can't do anything about that. But in all honesty, Mike and I say all the time that we wouldn't want Harmony any other way. She will grow up being a very decided woman, who will lead, not follow. Who won't settle for anything but the best, and she will do awesome things for The Kingdom- we just KNOW it. We pray it into her life every single day.
With all that said, I (well, WE) are doing much better this week. Thank goodness.
I'm gearing up for the very busy time that March will bring me. My first wedding of 2010, showering Becca ( a couple times) with lots of fun things for Norah, family portraits, baby pictures... kind of want to upgrade some of my gear before it all happens... maybe I'll use some tax return money... hmmmm. I've had my eye on the Canon 7D for a couple months. We'll see if the hubby gives me the OK.
Holy Crap, Norah is going to be here before I know it. I kind of feel like she's going to be another daughter to me, and not just a niece. I wonder if that is how Becca feels about Harmony. And speaking of Becca, she officially has pregnancy brain. Today in class she was reviewing the week with the kids, and she went completely blank. It was awesome. Really, I got a huge kick out of it because she was always bragging that she didn't have it. One word. Karma.
My husband is next to me, snaking on Harmony's cheese-it's. He'll probably finish the whole box. I'm going to make him explain to Harmony where they went when she asks for them tomorrow. She's gunna be TICKED!
It's making me hungry... what to eat....
