I'm not gonna lie- the past few months have been tough. Ugh.
Need. Advice. Please.
The never ending battle/process with Harmony's weight "issue" has officially become annoying. I know they don't know it, nor is it really fair, but every time someone tells me that my daughter is soooooo tiny, I want to scream. I feel (and what I feel and what is true isn't always the same, but let me vent) judged- like I made her that way, or that I neglect her nutrition. I know not everyone thinks that, but there have been some women who give me "the eye" when I tell them that she is 18 months old (she looks about 11 or 12- or so they tell me so matter-of-factly). Has no one ever seen a petite child???? BAHH!!! I go back to the doc this week to see how far she has come weight wise since she started the Pitocin, and I'm trying not to get myself worked up over it. Every time we have to go it for a weight check, I have so much anxiety. What if she gained nothing? What if they make me do more tests? I can't do more tests. I don't have it in me. We have to go for an upper GI (which is a lot like her gastric emptying test- drink a liquid, take pics of her stomach, throat, and all that jazz), and then at the end of May we meet back with the GI specialist to see what they think about the results.
Who knows where we go from there. Just depends on what the tests show.
They have me so paranoid. I literally think about her eating schedule all day. Am I giving her enough? How can I get her to eat more if she doesn't eat a whole lot? Can't force her for pete's sake. How many snacks should I give her? Am I giving her enough choices? How much independence should I give her when she eats? The questions go on and on. Never knew it was going to be this hard to feed my baby.
But there is a time when she eats (well drinks) really well.
Yep.
You guessed it.
Middle of the night.
Except for a couple nights here and there (like 5 tops), she has not slept through the night since September. SEVEN. MONTHS. AGO.
Seven LONG months of getting up AT LEAST once, and AT MOST 6 times. She slept better in her first month of life than she does now.
So here's the million dollar question.
Wait for it......
WHY!!!!!??????
What is the issue? Is it habit? Is she truly hungry?
Let me sidetrack just a minute and say that before the Pitocin, she drank maybe 6 oz at night. Now sometimes it's still just 6, but some nights it's 10-12, or on rare occasions, 14 oz of Pedisure- that is what she is on now instead of formula.
So if she is hungry, how do i get her to eat all her calories in the day and not at night? Or is she just waking up a lot, and the only way she knows how to go back to sleep is by having some of her bottle?
I'm gonna tell you this right now-
I'd do anything for that little girl, and if that means getting up 3-4 times a night then so-be-it. But it's NO FUN AT ALL. I don't function well on little to no rest, and the sleep deprivation is catching up with me BIGTIME. I'm no fun to be around.
Just ask Mike.
And to add a monkey wrench into things- wedding season officially starts next weekend, and Harmony's naptime (which is usually my naptime too) will now be filled with editing. hmmmmmmmmm
So here's where I need the advice. What the heck do I do? I see no end in sight, and I can't find a solution. My child is 18 months old, and should be sleeping through the night. Once again, I feel as tho I've failed...
Question: could the two be linked?
Seven months ago Harmony began to walk. Walking=burning more calories
About that time her growth curve plateaued. Hence the concern by the Dr- hence the testing.
Seven months ago- Harmony stopped sleeping through the night.
Makes me think.....
This is a question I will be asking her Ped next week.
Any advice would be great.
I know in my heart of hearts that this is all just a season we're, and she will eventually sleep well again, and that the testing will soon be over. I do really know that. But right now, it doesn't make the nights where I only get 4 hours of sleep any easier.
And I apologize to anyone who I may have been impatient with (sorry Mike), or rude too (my husband is a saint). It's the exhaustion talking- not me :-)
Promise.
8 comments:
*hugs* I can't even imagine your frustration and I'm not going to pretend I'm going to know what it feels like...but I know it's got to be hard and incredibly draining. You are doing a wonderful job and despite how you feel, you have so much strength, Rach. You HAVE to have that strength each day and even though you feel like you're at your wits end, you are still making it through every day with these battles. That's strength. I'm done with my semester on Monday and will have a lot more time in my schedule. Is there anything I can do to help? I could come over and help around the house, take Harmony out, anything that would be of help. This isn't any empty offer either, so PLEASE follow up with me if you need it ok? Email, call, whatever. Love you!! *hugs*
Hey! As always I have advice though, it may not be too helpful...
With Easton and his eating/weight issues, there was a time we had to do whatever it took to have him eat - and it was very, very frustrating and difficult, but what all the therapists and Drs said was that it was most important to get him and keep him eating. So we created A LOT of bad habits that were not so easy to break once we were "out of the woods" (not that he isn't still a extremely small child when compared to peers.)
That being said, being a parent to 4 children - most who have had one or another kind of therapy - I've learned that the advice the professionals and others give is sometimes "perfect world" type of stuff, and well, we don't live in a perfect world. In a perfect world you could be a robot getting up 6 times/night and not having an ounce of that show through the next day! That being said, you HAVE to take care of yourself enough to be the best mommy God created you to be - the mommy that HE know SHE needs! Does that make any sense?
So ultimately, I got the best piece of advice last week from the boys' psychiatrist: Trust your intuition. She sited all these studies where professionals bashed mothers for things like baby talk and peek-a-boo and in the end they were found to be profoundly helpful. Trust your gut - it will be more accurate -- you are connected to Harmony in a very special way. Listen to your instincts in what is best for her, and what she needs. Sure, its helpful to get advice from others and professionals but YOU know your daughter better than anyone else on earth, and there is nobody else on earth who loves her more.
Hang in there!! My prayers are with you guys!!
Just thought I would respond since I can understand your situation (and I know your sister Becca). My youngest daughter has always been extremely tiny for her age and we have always dealt with those comments and looks. After all kinds of tests, with no major problems found, we just always offered enough food and let her eat what she wanted. She used to gain about 8 ozs. every 6 months. She will be 9 years old this month and just reached 40 pounds -- yep, there are 3 year olds who are bigger and weigh more. She was stuck at 37 pounds for over a year and finally had a growth spurt and gained 3 pounds. Her "normal" is just very tiny. The other day she said to me, "Even though I am small, I have a big brain!" That says is all.
Oh, by the way, she woke up to eat at 2 am every night until she was about 6 years old. Always wanted to eat a bowl of Cheerios and a glass of milk. We concluded that her stomach was tiny and it didn't stay full all night. And yes, she always ate well at 2 am, better than during the day. When she finally started to sleep through the night, my husband and I woke up every night at 2 am for several months since we were so used to doing that.
Don't fret it, this too shall pass.
Beth Dickinson
Rachel.. sweetheart.. first of all .. my heart goes out to you.. but that's not very practical.. you are at the end of your rope and need real help. My heart hurt as I read your post.. so for what it's worth.. take it or leave it.. this is what I have for you.. because you asked..
First.. you are in crisis mode.. a time when everything looks bigger than life.. it's like looking through magnifying glasses.. with pain. You know there's a reason why one of the forms of torture is to deprive the prisoner of sleep right?? It makes everything so much worse. Not to say that what you are dealing with isn't bad, by any means.
Now.. on to what I may have to offer.. take it or leave it really. :) First.. we had a house once in one of our first ministry moves that we paid for for 5 years and never lived in.. as we lived in the back of churches and so on.. needless to say I learned many lessons.
Second.. babies have this inate ability to pick up on a mother's emotions, feelings etc. Therefore.. during the day.. if you are over tired, stressed,etc.. Harmony is probably going to feel it.. and I don't know about you but I can't eat very well when I feel those emotions.. can you? In the middle of the nite.. she wakes up and the house is calm you are nice and warm and snuggly.. haven't had time to get uptight over the pressures of the day.. she may or may not feel comfortable and calm and therefore.. she eats. Try to recreat this during the day.. but in the mean time.. take turns getting up in the nite.. it's bonding time!!
third.. take adavantage of those that are around you.. that's what family and those that love you are for.. to come and let you get your sleep!!! You know why in planes they tell the Moms to put their masks on first and then the babies? You are no good to your baby if you are running on empty.. she knows it..
fourth.. she has two parents.. and she needs you both.. this is a shared responsiblity. I won't take the time to quote scripture and verse.. but God takes it seriously .. God does not take kindly for men putting anything including "ministry" before their family.. He even goes as far as to say their prayers will not be heard.. it's really not a choice.. but we don't hear too many sermons preached on this as it's not real popular..
fifth.. what people think or look at you like.. honey.. you have to know.. deep inside you that you are Harmony's God given Mother and are listening closely to every one of His whispers to hear what He would have you to do on her behalf.. and knowing all this.. stand.. strong. Not that you won't take God given advice.. but stear clear of criticsism that is meant for harm... you will know the difference once you have slept!!
You are a good Mom... and Harmony is a happy baby.. I've looked at her pictures.. she knows she's loved.. and you, Mike and God will work out this blip in the system.. just hold on tight..talk to each other and get some sleep!!!! ::) love you..d
Rach...in relation to Harmony's lack of eating...here is what I have to say to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOVS_SYyXe8 (a little language here, don't say I didn't warn you)
It is in NO way an indictment of your mothering, or your ability to mother. I've seen you as a mom and other than having a husband who fed your 1 year old a chicken wing bone, I don't have a negative thing to say. (And in hindsight the calories probably weren't such a bad thing!)
She is not going through this because of you, but she will get through this BECAUSE of you.
Rach, I completely agree all of these other posts but one thing I think we are all forgetting in this "season" is you guys MOVED. I know you as her Mother (WONDERFUL MOM- who by NO means is failing) understands but others may not. You and Mike with good reason, uprooted all that Harmony knew for 11 months of her life, to first move in with the amazing friends who let you stay and then you moved AGAIN into your new home. I don't think we are giving this little baby enough credit. She has moved twice in 7 months and if you calculate that to when she started to plateau and not sleep through the night I think you might be on to something.
that being said. Mom-to-Mom, and only having a 8mth old I can tell you from a overprotective, sometimes co-sleeping ways which I don't care who thinks thats wrong it is what I do and what I feel is best to be the best Mommy for Lucca Faye! You have to get past these Mothers who have this as Karen said (well said Karen) "perfect world situations. Trust your intuition, I believe that is when God is speaking to you LOUDEST! Yes Harmony is small, guess what though if you haven't seen your husband....im taller than him..hehe....alot of the world is too...hehe...so all I am saying is not like you guys are huge people...
To the Pitocin issue...I think you should definitely trust your doctors but don't feel like they are working against you, don't be nervous and know they are trying to fix this too, and if Harmony doesn't gain they are going to try to help you make that happen :-) and if you need to you can always get a second opinion...
What is she eating? I know when you were here I was so proud of you! you had all of her little meals planned out even kept cool in the ice cooler to make sure she ate what she needed to, to get calories...I think you are doing great, and I know your frustration with wanting to not just feed her with fatty foods but have her eat healthy too...I think at this point you need to just feed her whatever she will eat. NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. We already know she likes healthy food so its not like thats going to go away if you feed her fatty foods for a while to make her gain...and as far as snacks Lucca gets snacks all day but not so many that she is going to not want to eat her 3 meals. I think you know as a Mom how many is too many. I think because of your lack of sleep and frustration you are second guessing yourself and you shouldn't your doing a GREAT job and I know everyone would agree with me!!
I do also agree that Harmony can feel all of these stresses and anxieties from you even way more than Mikes. You are her Mom and she can from your body, so you have to pull your strength from God when you feel like nothing is left and know that you and Harmony will get through this. (and as much as I don't want to say this but its so true is Mike MUST be present to help you, get off Twitter! and I can say this freely because my husband makes me crazy with his work cell phone as you know and I go round and round with him about it.)
I think you have a lot of unspoken stresses as we all do that are making this even more hard to handle, just know we are all praying for you so very much and LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH and would do anything to help ease this for you.
I think the double move has really impacted alot and know that you guys are settled and planting your feet it will all be up hill from here on out. Moving and Divorce is the hardest things you can go through. So all of this being said..I know Im going on and on but I never comment on your blog and had to this time.
LOVE YOU RACH!! and i hope this helps!!
keep us updated!
Isn't pitocin the drug for women during labor? =D
Having much experience with toddlers/infants with problems, sadly Rochester is severely lacking in pediatric GI dept. They're not as great as they could/should be. That being said, try looking into this: http://www.eating-for-you.com/ Maggie is an EXCELLENT nutritionist who works with birth to 3 yr olds DAILY and has amazing ideas. She's the best. It'd be private pay unless you can figure something else out, but guarantee it's worth it. And she has a TON of experience with Strong GI dept. A complete nutrition eval would be very helpful. She can also help figure out if some of this is behavioral vs. medical vs. natural-just the way she is. Good luck!
Sorry people, I meant periaction, not pitocin.
Post a Comment