I'm not gonna lie- the past few months have been tough. Ugh.
Need. Advice. Please.
The never ending battle/process with Harmony's weight "issue" has officially become annoying. I know they don't know it, nor is it really fair, but every time someone tells me that my daughter is soooooo tiny, I want to scream. I feel (and what I feel and what is true isn't always the same, but let me vent) judged- like I made her that way, or that I neglect her nutrition. I know not everyone thinks that, but there have been some women who give me "the eye" when I tell them that she is 18 months old (she looks about 11 or 12- or so they tell me so matter-of-factly). Has no one ever seen a petite child???? BAHH!!! I go back to the doc this week to see how far she has come weight wise since she started the Pitocin, and I'm trying not to get myself worked up over it. Every time we have to go it for a weight check, I have so much anxiety. What if she gained nothing? What if they make me do more tests? I can't do more tests. I don't have it in me. We have to go for an upper GI (which is a lot like her gastric emptying test- drink a liquid, take pics of her stomach, throat, and all that jazz), and then at the end of May we meet back with the GI specialist to see what they think about the results.
Who knows where we go from there. Just depends on what the tests show.
They have me so paranoid. I literally think about her eating schedule all day. Am I giving her enough? How can I get her to eat more if she doesn't eat a whole lot? Can't force her for pete's sake. How many snacks should I give her? Am I giving her enough choices? How much independence should I give her when she eats? The questions go on and on. Never knew it was going to be this hard to feed my baby.
But there is a time when she eats (well drinks) really well.
Yep.
You guessed it.
Middle of the night.
Except for a couple nights here and there (like 5 tops), she has not slept through the night since September. SEVEN. MONTHS. AGO.
Seven LONG months of getting up AT LEAST once, and AT MOST 6 times. She slept better in her first month of life than she does now.
So here's the million dollar question.
Wait for it......
WHY!!!!!??????
What is the issue? Is it habit? Is she truly hungry?
Let me sidetrack just a minute and say that before the Pitocin, she drank maybe 6 oz at night. Now sometimes it's still just 6, but some nights it's 10-12, or on rare occasions, 14 oz of Pedisure- that is what she is on now instead of formula.
So if she is hungry, how do i get her to eat all her calories in the day and not at night? Or is she just waking up a lot, and the only way she knows how to go back to sleep is by having some of her bottle?
I'm gonna tell you this right now-
I'd do anything for that little girl, and if that means getting up 3-4 times a night then so-be-it. But it's NO FUN AT ALL. I don't function well on little to no rest, and the sleep deprivation is catching up with me BIGTIME. I'm no fun to be around.
Just ask Mike.
And to add a monkey wrench into things- wedding season officially starts next weekend, and Harmony's naptime (which is usually my naptime too) will now be filled with editing. hmmmmmmmmm
So here's where I need the advice. What the heck do I do? I see no end in sight, and I can't find a solution. My child is 18 months old, and should be sleeping through the night. Once again, I feel as tho I've failed...
Question: could the two be linked?
Seven months ago Harmony began to walk. Walking=burning more calories
About that time her growth curve plateaued. Hence the concern by the Dr- hence the testing.
Seven months ago- Harmony stopped sleeping through the night.
Makes me think.....
This is a question I will be asking her Ped next week.
Any advice would be great.
I know in my heart of hearts that this is all just a season we're, and she will eventually sleep well again, and that the testing will soon be over. I do really know that. But right now, it doesn't make the nights where I only get 4 hours of sleep any easier.
And I apologize to anyone who I may have been impatient with (sorry Mike), or rude too (my husband is a saint). It's the exhaustion talking- not me :-)
Promise.
